count your blessings please

Today is Xmas day, and also the 25th month anniversary between the Boyfriend and me. I guess it's about time to sit down, think through things and do some self-reflection over here. Time passes so quickly day to day, that I feel if you don't pen things down, they come.. and just go. Without a thought.

Usually people say that as time goes by, a couple in a relationship tend to be too "stable" - in the sense that there is little romance and no surprises. Things become very predictable; and hence, boring. Not to say that tt's a bad thing exactly - but as a couple, shouldn't you put the effort to surprise and romance your partner ever so often? 

For the Boyfriend and myself, I wouldn't go so far as to say that things are perfect. For when there is perfection, there will be no desire to strive for the next level. Yet I would say that after 2 years of being together with him, I can very definitely say that I am happy to be with him. People might think that tt's weird - after all, if you're not happy being with your partner, then why are you even in a relationship with that person at all?

Upon thinking back, I can say that I was never truly happy when I was with the Ex. Of course there were happy moments and happy memories; but the unhappy ones overshadow most of them. After he initiated the break-up, I remembered trying so hard to make him give us another shot. Why I did that was simply bcos I could not imagine [at that point in time] a life without him. Yet I survived. Of cos there was a lot of crying and I fell into depression for a period of time. But at the end of it, I emerged from it. 

Not without damages of course. Emotionally, I became fragile. I was afraid of falling in love in future and having the relationship end on me again. Yet a thought kept me from turning back: if two people are so unhappy with each other that they quarrel ever so often, over the same things without any compromise on both parties, such that all you have of each other are unhappy memories; then why do you want to remain in such a emotionally-destructive and abusive relationship?

Okie you must be thinking what prompted all these emotional stuff out of me. Well, for one, I read Kenny Sia's latest blog entry - and smthg inside me reasonated with what he said. I remember the constant quarrels with the Ex, over the SAME OLD STUPID THINGS, that would die away but never get resolved. The petty fits. The childish threats. All these - that after 3 years, I guessed he could tolerate them no longer, and threw in the towel. And for that simple action of his, I am grateful. I truly am. For he was able to do smthg tt I lacked the courage to - to move on in life without each other.

So Jia Hng, if you ever read this, thank you - from the bottom of my heart. I wish you all the best with xiu.ting.; and that you have found the One in each other (=

[Btw, I am rarely so magnanimous. Hah. I amaze myself.]

Without the breakup, I would never have met the Boyfriend. Wong.gwo.chong.; or *Chong* as I like to introduce him to others as. I would never have known what it was like to be truly happy. To be loved and accepted with my flaws. To be cherished by someone. To look into his eyes and know that I make him happy too, and not just him making me happy. 

I mostly love our dates together - those dates where I am not grumpy [I am usually only grumpy around a certain time of the month]. 

Those dates where we walk hand-in-hand, talking about everything under the sun [okie fine. So I mostly start the talking. Hah] 

Those dates where we go shopping and he would patiently wait for me and give me his oh-so-valuable opinions [except for the straight hair vs curls question - he can't seem to ever give me an answer for that]

Those dates where we joke to each other about everything we see; make wild innuendoes; poke/tickle/grab each other; do disgustingly funny stuff to each other [I will not write them down and make you gag] and just.. be ourselves with each other. [which means I can b*tch about people to him. And don't get me started on the girl who sat beside me in the cinema today who TOTALLY irritated the hell out of me]

Those dates which involved us going out, coming home to mah.jong with the parents and sleep.over!

Those dates where I am grumpy and he would try his best to cheer me up and never giving up till I give a smile.

These dates make me happy. And contented. 

Thank you for being who you are - you should know by now, how special you are to me, and how much you mean to me (=