somehow something is missing

Suddenly somehow something feels missing. In my life and with regards to my relationship.

I can't put a finger to what exactly I feel is missing.

Is it that spark that ignites whenever you two meet each other?
Is it that chemistry that sparks off whenever you two are in each other's company?
Is it the happiness you feel just by being with that person?
Is it the joy you derive from everything that you both do as a couple?
And is it that all relationships will reach this point of emptiness after you have been together for a period of time?

It's not that anything specific is not going right. It's just that...isn't there more to a relationship than what we have right now?

I do not wish to believe that after a period of time, all relationships reach a point where you're with the person just for the sake of the fact that you've been together for some time.

The feelings that you have for each other, should not fade away, but should only strengthen with time as you get to know the other person better. The joy that you derive from each other's company should not lesson, but should only grow with time as you two share more happy moments together.

Perhaps that's what's missing.

I feel that I love him more with each passing moment; yet he does not feel the same way. He tells me his love for me is constant and does not increase or lessen with time. But I am not satisfied with this answer.

I feel that I've come to accept his strengths and weaknesses, and to try my best to live with them. Yet I feel that my own weaknesses are too many for another to accept, and I live in fear that one day he will reject me because of them.

I feel that I'm ready to make a step forward; yet he is not. When we bring up the topic, it's always "next time", "in the future", "see how" - and I just feel that he's not ready to make this step forward with me. Whether the reason is because of me, or because of him, I do not know.

I know that people think I'm still young and should be patient. But I disagree. I need to know what is going to happen in future.

I do not want status quo. I want progress. And it's progess that I'm not getting in my relationship, and I am unfulfilled due to this.

I need to know that we're going to move on. I don't want things to go along the way they are... and for you to turn around one day and tell me, "I don't think you're the type of girl I want to marry." I don't want to wait for that day to come around.

And I don't want him to reassure me just for the sake of reassurance. Which is why I will not tell him about this blog post - if he happens to read my blog, then so be it. If he doesn't, it just shows that he doesn't care enough to check if I've posted here.

And if the latter happens, I think its time we sit down and have a good talk. I'll rather have my heart broken right now, then 6 months to a year later.