thoughts

The boyfriend is back; or rather, he came home on 初二; but he's been under the weather ever since then. I guess when you're not feeling too well, your temperament isn't that fantastic as well. You end up feeling grumpy and less than willing to please those around you.

I was actually highly anticipating the CNY weekend tt just passed, because I wld get the once-a-year opportunity to sleepover at Chong's place. UNFORTUNATELY, because of his illness, it became a less-than-happy affair. I couldn't fall asleep properly cos he was sneezing so much; and when we switched off the fan, it was too humid for me to fall asleep, especially in a new enviromnent. Oh well. I guess there's always other times.

And we had this HUGE & STUPID quarrel today. It's stupid because it started over something really small which grew into resentment; and huge because I threw out the phrase "break up" to him. I mean, of course if I had been in a calmer state of mind I wld never have done or said what I did... but in quarrels, one is seldom in a calm state of mind.

The good thing was, I felt tt I was mature in the handling of the situation. After throwing out tt phrase, I gave the boyfriend the choice of meeting me to "talk things out" - and of course when the talking things out happened, we were both not as hot-headed as we were previously. So we resolved matters, apologised and life went on.

I say I was mature in handling the situation because previously, I would NEVER EVER be the one to try to make things better [in this case: suggesting to meet to talk things out] I would let my pride get in the way and NEVER EVER admit tt I was wrong or say "sorry". I would let the anger simmer over hours and even days until the other party gave in. In retrospect, the old me was childish, and immature. But then again, if I had never been childish and immature, I would never have grown and matured into who I am today.

Now that I'm 23 and wiser, I know that in a relationship, there must be give-and-take. You can't just let your anger or pride get in the way of resolving any unhappiness between two people. You can't just expect to win all the time and emerge victor in all arguements.

I hope that the boyfriend and I have learnt some things from today's incident; and that we will be the better and wiser for it; and try to grow our relationship from here.