does it have to be this way?

Sometimes people can hurt you really bad. With words. With actions. Words that are spoken and unspoken; actions done and those never done. I guess the more you care about someone, the greater the hurt will be when it comes. Why? Why do we allow ourselves to care so much, that a single sentence can really break our heart? Why do we allow ourselves to get so emotionally involved, that a refusal to do something makes you want to swallow your tears?

Don't ask me why. If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be feeling the way I do right now.

Should I continue caring? When I take things easy and not bicker about every little thing, you say I don't care as much anymore. Can't you see its not tt I don't care; but that I'm afraid of the emotional drainage that comes with caring too much? I used to care overmuch. so much so tt you felt smothered by me and my emotions. So I backed off and put on a brave front whenever I felt a little unhappy or depressed. And when things happen and I don't get as upset as I used to be, you accuse me of no longer caring.

Sometimes I don't know what you want; or what you want me to be around you. It's not tt I've changed on purpose, more like this current me has evolved from how I used to be. And you don't like it. What can I say? It was a natural reactive change to all the past events.

But even when I thought I could take things a little easier, you come, and hurt me with your words, your actions, your refusal to do certain things. How come it still hurts so bad when you push me away? How is it that one little thing that you do just cut through all the defences I thought I had put up against you?

I feel so tired. So tired that the tears in my eyes can't seem to fall down my face.

I don't know what you want anymore. Sometimes I look at myself and wonder am I really the one to bring you happiness.

Sometimes no matter how much you want "happy-forever" to happen, things don't work out the way you want them to. And your dreams are dashed, and you're left with an open wound, afraid to trust and love again.

And now, my tears are falling.